The End Of Silence
by Cordelia
Summary: A/C angst- fluff- romance. Takes place in s3, but i sort of change things for my liking. Cordelia was never blonde...and still had long hair. Angel and Cordelia are finally on the road to a new type of relationship, but there are things they can't control
1. Coffee and Kisses

Title: The End Of Silence  
  
Author: Cordelia  
  
Rating: PG-13 (well, PG right now, but it will get better)  
  
Spoilers: This is my own little world. There aren't any spoilers.  
  
Feedback: greatly appreciated, I am dying to know what people think. Please send it to SLUTNAMEDSTARR@WHITE-STAR.COM  
  
Distribution: If you want it, I would really appreciate it if you asked me first...but, duh, I'll say yes, what author isn't dying to have his/her story wanted somewhere.  
  
Notes: I wrote this story a very long time ago. It was my first ever. I was always very proud of it until a few months ago. I decided that it was way to juvenile and I could do much better now that I have grown a little. I hope you enjoy the changes and the new ending. Thank you everyone who supports me.  
  
Love always,  
  
Cordelia  
  
  
  
"Shut the hell up," Cordelia muttered viciously into her pillow. It was 6:00 a.m. and he alarm clock was going off, jarring her from her wonderful sleep. She rolled over onto her back and pulled the pillow from behind her head. Without warning, she began to beat the alarm clock into silence. When it finally shut up she smiled, sighed in triumph and went to take a shower. Three hours later Cordelia looked like perfect. Her warm brown hair hung in long, loose curls down her back. Her black dress was a little more than revealing, but covered enough so that it was still classy. Her black knee- high boots completed the outfit. She glanced over at her microwave clock to see how late she was going to be. "Great," she said cynically. "Late again." Walking over to the hallway to get her bag and sunglasses, she looked into the mirror. "At least I look great." She posed for a few minutes, admiring herself and then with one final look she said good-bye to Phantom Dennis and was off to work.  
  
As she stepped into the doorway of Angel Investigations, she heard Angel's booming voice growl her name. "Oh please, like you were never late," she said snippily and marched over to her desk. Angel just starred at Cordelia as she went about with her daily ritual. "What?" Cordelia exclaimed, interrupting Angel's thoughts.  
  
"Nothing," Angel said quietly and headed over to his office. Just as he sat down Doyle walked through the door. Angel sighed and went out to get his coffee.  
  
"Morning," chorused Wesley, Gunn and Fred as they entered with laughs and giggles. "We brought you back a coffee," Fred said in her timid voice and gently placed a steaming cup of coffee on Cordelia's desk. Cordelia, who was too distracted by something on her computer monitor, nodded and took the coffee without even so much as looking at her. "Angel," Wesley said, handing him his coffee and going to sit down in a chair. Angel gave a weak half smile before sipping his coffee. Gunn, not having anything to do went and sat down on the couch, but it wasn't really sitting, it was more like collapsing. He dropped himself so hard onto the couch that Wesley, Fred, Cordelia and Angel all turned, waiting for the couch to fall apart. Gunn smiled sheepishly and apologized. After a few minutes passed in painful silence Gunn couldn't stand it any longer. "Jesus, what's with the dismal? You people act as if someone just died."  
  
Angel looked over to him, "Actually, according to some statistics one person dies every..."  
  
"Ya know what I mean!" Gunn exclaimed, interrupting Angel's fact. Cordelia got up from her desk and grabbed a donut from the box on top of the coffee machine. Just as she was putting the stale donut to her mouth, she dropped it as her head swelled in pain. The two men, Fred and Angel jumped up simultaneously to help their friend. Soon the vision was over and Cordelia immediately grabbed the aspirin from Wesley's outstretched hand. "A few vamps with a chick in the sewer, not far from here. Go straight and you are sure to run into them, hopefully with a stake." Angel leapt up and began to leave the room. "Angel," Cordelia called after Angel's retreating form. Angel stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Hurry." Angel simply gave a small nod before leaving the office.  
  
Damn, Angel looks good....Cordelia! Cordelia realized what she was doing and silently reprimanded herself for thinking such things about her friend. Fred, sitting on the couch, saw Cordelia look at Angel leave and noticed that look on her face. She smirked and leaned over into Cordelia's line of view. Surprised, she jumped back and landed on her butt. "You like him, don't ya?"  
  
"Duh, of course I like him, he's my boss," Cordelia said as she got up from the floor, dusted herself off and went back to sit down at her desk.  
  
"No, No, No, that's not how I meant it. You like him more than a friend or your boss."  
  
"Ewe," was her simple, disgusted reply as she ignored Fred and turned back to her work.  
  
Fred just shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes, still smirking.  
  
Angel was exhausted when he got home. He cleaned off his knife and placed it back into the cabinet. He closed the cabinet doors, grabbed himself a bag of blood from the refrigerator and started stripping off his clothes. As he entered his bedroom his jaw fell open, on his bed was Cordelia. Sprawled out and fast asleep. Shit, Cordelia is so sexy, even when she is sleeping. He thought to himself as he longed to touch her. He slowly walked to the bed, aware of his motions, and carefully sat down beside her. Maybe I'm hallucinating, maybe she isn't here. Oh, man. Maybe it's just my imagination. If she isn't real then it wouldn't matter if I kissed her, right? Oh my god, I can't kiss her. She's Cordelia.... Cordelia...My beautiful, sexy Cordelia. Angel ran a hand over his face, trying to gain composure. What's the big deal, it's just Cordelia.... just Cordelia. Every time he said her name his unbeating heart twisted just a little more. He took a deep breath, reached out his hand and slowly smoothed it over the side of her face. He marveled at how rough his hand was compared to her smooth skin and wondered if he was somehow damaging her skin by touching it. Her dark lashes fluttered as consciousness tickled them. Angel pulled his hand away and held a breath that served no purpose to him. Cordelia opened her eyes sleepily and started at Angel's impassive face. "Oh god, what time is it? I'm sorry, I just got a little tired and I thought I would take a nap before I finished my work." Her eyes began filling with random tears and she wiped them away from her face impatiently.  
  
Angel laughed a little at her crying for no reason. "Cordy, It's quite alright. I don't mind. Don't get upset, wake up first." She looked up to her friend with such longing on her face, she knew she could never have him and it made her want him even more. She shivered as his hand traced along her jaw line and onto her neck. She felt a fresh film of tears well up in her eyes, but she held them back as best as she could. She hated that he made her feel so weak and vulnerable. Damn, she thought, why does he have to be so sexy all the time?? Just as she thought this, she could feel a single tear fall down her cheek. Angel wiped away the tear with the tip of his thumb, then without warming, he bent his head down to Cordelia and kissed her. Cordelia felt Angel's cold lips part her own and his cool tongue slip between her lips. She panicked and squirmed away from him. The tears were flowing now and she couldn't help it. She jumped out of the bed and ran across the room. She stood in the corner hugging herself looking down at the floor trying desperately to make the tears stop. Angel looked at her for a while, then got up and went to her side. He put his large hand on her tiny waist. She tried to move away but the only way was back and there was a wall there. He pulled her closer and if she had any more tears in her to cry, she would've cried them. He picked her up and carried her over to his bed, laid her down and lay down next to her.  
  
They lay together on his bed in silence for a long time. Angel finally pulled his head up and looked at his best friend long and hard. She stared back at him, just as intently. "What are we going to do?" she asked in a cautious whisper.  
  
"I don't know, what do you want to do." He replied gently. 


	2. old feelings and new realizations

"Why do our lives have to be so complicated? Why can't anything ever be easy? Jesus, I love you," Cordelia muttered more to herself than to Angel.  
  
"And this is bad, because…because…uh, Why is this bad?"  
  
Cordelia looked at Angel in totally seriousness. "Do you want me to end up like Buffy?"  
  
Angel shrugged off her comment and tried to steer the conversation back to the original topic. "Just because we can never be together doesn't mean that I can't love you."  
  
"Uh, duh, hi…I know all this. I was there through the entire Buffy, Angel, young and the undead thing. But if anything physical were to ever happen between us I'll probably end up psycho and do something I will forever regret like dye my hair blonde."  
  
Angel was at a total loss for words. He hadn't any idea how to convince her how much he wanted to be with her. "Do you want to stay here tonight, I could sleep on the floor."  
  
Cordelia looked worn and tired. She rubbed her eyes and tousled her hair. "Yeah, that would be nice. Just let me go grab some clothes I keep in my desk upstairs."  
  
Angel pulled down the comforter and the sheets on the bed and went to the closet in the hall to get himself a blanket and a pillow to sleep with, when he returned to his room Cordelia was laying on top of the covers reading a magazine. She was wearing baggy white pants and a tight white t- shirt. Angel had to compose himself before he could enter the room.  
  
"Do you still love Buffy?"  
  
Her question knocked him completely off guard. "I… uh, I mean…" He rubbed his hands together turning them a bright red color. The color, which was unusual on his skin, intrigued him and he became so preoccupied with it he forgot entirely about Cordelia's question.  
  
"Angel!" Cordelia sharply prompted him.  
  
"Right. I… you know, it's getting late. We can talk about this some other time." He walked across the room and turned off the light, leaving Cordelia still sitting up gawking at the shadow of where Angel had been standing.  
  
Angel fell onto the couch. He wanted to hit himself for not telling Cordelia his answer. It's over. I did love her I will always love her. It's over though; I want to be with you. I want you now I need you now. These words were screaming repeatedly in his head. He knew exactly what he wanted to say he just couldn't say it. That would make it real. Saying aloud that his relationship with Buffy was truly over would make everything true and he didn't know if he was ready for that. Angel fell asleep with the words still pounding in his head.  
  
When Angel woke up in the morning, he got dressed and went to the kitchen to make Cordelia a large breakfast. He didn't want to wake her up until he had all her food ready, sort of a peace offering. Well an hour passed and the breakfast was made; now all he had to do was wake up Cordy. He slowly and gently walked over to his bedroom and knocked on the door. "Cordy? Are you up yet? I made you breakfast." He waited a few minutes and knocked again. Still no answer. He was getting a little worried so he opened the door just wide enough so he could see if she was on the bed. When he saw that she wasn't sleeping or anywhere in the room he tossed the door fully open and scanned the room quickly for her. The bed was made and there was a small white envelope on the pillow. That was all that was left of Cordelia in that room, that and her smell, which was driving Angel crazy with lust by just being in that room. He grabbed the letter off the pillow and slammed the door shut behind him. Locking Cordelia's scent in it.  
  
He ripped open the envelope and in Cordelia's loopy handwriting it said:  
  
My Dearest Angel,  
  
I love you with all my heart. I want nothing more than to be with you (but of course not in that sense because then we would be in trouble) If you love Buffy I need to know that you at least won't run back to her at the slightest sign for your relationship. If you can prove that you love me I will be more than happy to be with you, but until then I am going to stay away from work (I fully expect to get paid, because each day I am out you are giving me out because you are too chicken to talk to me) If you need me you know where I'll be.  
  
Love,  
  
Cordy.  
  
Angel stared at the piece of paper in his hand. He wanted to tell her, but he just wasn't sure how to let her go. He sat there for a long, tossing thoughts back in forth inside his head when he heard someone coming down the stairs. It was Wesley. "Want some breakfast?" Angel said motioning towards the kitchen table where the large breakfast sat.  
  
"Hey, sure," he exclaimed, his face lighting up at the sight of all the food. "No offense or anything, but you don't eat, so what's with the big breakfast?"  
  
"It was for Cordelia," he mumbled getting off the couch and starting up the stairs.  
  
"Oh yes, she's gone." He managed in between bites of bacon.  
  
Two days later Cordy still hadn't shown up at work. Angel was too afraid to talk to her, he was hoping she would just sort of show up on her own. "Angel, go talk to her. She isn't coming. You're screwing this thing up," Fred wasn't being very helpful to Angel's situation.  
  
Angel didn't feel Fred needed a reply to her words. A growl came from his throat without intention and Angel stormed into his office, slamming the door behind him and almost breaking it with his vampire strength. An hour later Angel came out from the Darkness of his office and walked up to Fred's desk. "I'm going to see her," he announced.  
  
"Well good for you." Fred said with a goofy grin plastered across her face.  
  
"As soon as it gets dark." Angel muttered and went back to his office.  
  
Nightfall came and Angel was extremely nervous. He had faced the end of the world a million times and maybe more, but this was so much worse than all those times put together. He walked slowly along the streets, savoring every moment. He was going to do this right. He had nothing to loose, other than the most important person in his world. When Angel reached Cordelia's apartment he stared at the door for a few moments. He breathed deep for effect and bravely, like the warrior he was, knocked one solid knock on Cordelia's door.  
  
Cordelia opened the door. She looked wonderful; it had been too long since he had last seen her. Neither of them said anything, Angel just gave her a small smile, which indicated that he wanted to make peace. Cordelia didn't smile back, but she did move aside so that Angel could enter her apartment. He took a seat on her couch and motioned that he wanted her to sit also. She walked stiff with her chin held high over to the couch and sat at the opposite end, a safe distance away. He frowned at her choice of seating but he didn't mention it, they had more important things to discuss.  
  
She looked down at his hands where he held a white envelope. "So, you got my letter?" she said trying very hard to sound nonchalant, but there was a lump forming in her throat.  
  
He looked at her. Exploring the depths of her soul by peering into her warm brown eyes. He saw so much that he wanted part of and he slowly detached himself convinced he needed to do what he needed to do. "I love you, Cordelia," he said shakily. It was so quiet; he hadn't meant to be so quiet, it had just come out that way. In his head, he was screaming it, yelling it from mountaintops.  
  
"And you sound so sincere," she said coolly as she looked down at her perfectly manicured nails. "Do you still love her? That is all I want to know." She whispered and if Angel hadn't been a vampire, he wasn't sure he would have heard her.  
  
"Buffy will always hold a piece of my heart, but now she is in the past. She'll stay in the past. I love you, Cordelia Chase. Only you and you are who I want to be with." As he said it Cordelia just knew it was one of those moments. All the fear of rejection that she wouldn't accept his words was visible on his face. She slowly brought his head very close to hers, until their foreheads were just barely touching. She looked deep into his eyes and knew somehow this was going to work. As he stared back she could see the suffering that filled his beautiful brown eyes. She wanted so much, with all her heart and then some to make the suffering go away. He was about to say something, but before he could get it out she kissed him. They had both been in love before, they had both kissed plenty of people, but this kiss was something that neither of them had ever experienced. He had to pull himself away just to look at her and almost immediately began kissing her again with renewed passion.  
  
Time drifted in and out of the room, catching their attention every once in awhile but mostly they just ignored it. Midnight had long since approached and passed. Eventually they both got tired and they sat in a sweet silence just holding each other close. 


End file.
